Thursday, May 11, 2006

My Life Is A Cabaret

A few weeks ago, a friend told me that if ever a child was born to be a fairy, it was Juliana.  This observation was based on the fact that she never just walks anywhere.  Walking is far too pedestrian (Ha!  Get it?).  She can only get from one place to another by skipping, twirling, or prancing.  People comment on it all the time.  And while it's cute to the casual observer, it requires me to walk defensively. She is physically incapable of moving in a straight line.   She flutters back and forth, crossing my path and forcing me to stop dead in my tracks at regular intervals.  I am constantly expecting to trip over her and end up sprawled on the sidewalk with a compound fracture. 

Given that she is my child, she's not exactly the picture of grace.  Just yesterday I watched her scamper across the playground at school and fall headlong into the bark chips.  Later that day, at t-ball, she pranced across home plate, then slipped on a bat and fell prone onto the grass.  None of this deters her, however, and she pops right back up because there is more dancing to be done.  

She sees the beauty in everything.  Every day is THE BEST DAY OF HER LIFE.   Today she spent 45 minutes throwing me a pretend, early  Mother's Day party, complete with parade and confetti. She narrated every second of it: "How 'bout I decorated the whole house with balloons and how 'bout people were carrying you in the parade while you sat in a throne and how 'bout we had a pinata and you got to go first and how  'bout it was the best day of everyone's life because we were all having FUN!"  It was a non-stop monologue.  Actually, right now every single waking moment she has is a non-stop monologue.  Everything she says is over-the-top with drama and joy and is accompanied by flinging arm motions and interpretive dance.  Jesus Christ, it's like living with a pint-sized Liza Minelli.  All of my friends think she is so cute--and she is, don't get me wrong--but living with this all day, every day makes me want to crush her little spirit just for some peace and quiet. 

Yesterday, she saw that I had bought some Care Bears gummy snacks at the store.  Her response?  "Oh, Mommy, I just loooooove Care Bears fruit snacks!  They're like magical charms that fill your heart with joy!"  Who in God's name talks like that??  I'm telling you, after two hours with her, Pollyanna would be screaming, "Shut the fuck up!"

Yes, one day she'll be a sullen teenager and I'll be racking my brain trying to figure out ways to get her to talk to me.  I should capture her overabundant joy on video now to preserve it.  Then I'll have it allllllllll ready to show to her prom date. 


mazeway said...

Oh!  May I have her, please?  She's Ben's opposite.  Send her to me next year so I can take her to the fairy festival.  I know just what you mean, though.  There ARE fairy children, they have this...something.  Lily was like that until about 3 weeks ago.  Now she's 3.5.  kill me.

jbear97 said...

She's cute and you know it.  Now do you have a full stock of red wine and chocolate so you don't beat the ever-loving-cute right out of her??? hehe

fariedst said...

Dramtic are we? She couldn't be her grandmother's granddaughter... nah. not at all.
Now picture being the sullen teenager to that mother, and you might get a glimpse into my adolsence.

hallcjm said...

magical charms that fill your heart with joy.....BAHAHA! Did you spew your diet coke right there?

She is  an absolute DOLL!