Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Vegas Part 3

See, what's so frustrating about Vegas is how hard it is to get information.  It's like they don't even want you to know what there is to do.  Every event is a closely guarded secret.

Like, how will you ever find out what show is playing right there in the Venetian?


And what about comedy?  Are there any comedians around?


Come on, people.  Those signs are only ten stories tall.  Put a little effort into your advertising, wouldya?


What's that?  Wayne Brady's in town?  And Phantom??  You'd sell more tickets if you just let people know .


I heard a whisper of a rumor that Toni Braxton was performing at the Flamingo.



Because I am 12 years old, I thought it would be hilarious to have the hotel room that looked right out of her crotch. 

And just to prove that you can market absolutely anything, here's my favorite. 

Yesirree.  These people actually paid for oxygen.  And not only could you buy it, you then got to partake of your purchase by sitting in a crowded food court with a plastic cannula up your nose.   Good God, I hope those were single use.










Vegas Part 2

Despite my making fun of the Venetian, our room was incredible. I loved how spacious it was with a whole living area a few steps down from the bedroom.  In great contrast to the rest of Vegas, it was tastefully decorated in muted colors and the room felt like a soothing hide-away. 






Every night they staff would turn down your bed and leave chocolate on your pillow.  For ambiance, they would turn on soft music and low lighting. Do you see that long black dresser across from the foot of the bed in the picture above?  Do you see the white rectangle inset in the dresser top?  Turns out that whole top surface lights up.  Our first night in Vegas, we made it back to our room around 2:30 A.M.  I crammed the pillow chocolate into my mouth and flopped onto the bed.  Ritu locked the door and went to turn off the dresser light.  The way to do this was not readily apparent, and I'm guessing the large amount of alcohol in his system didn't help.  He spent a solid five minutes trying every switch in the room two or three times and patting down the entire dresser trying to unlock it's secret.  I helped by lying on the bed laughing hysterically.  I thought for sure we were going to have to call housekeeping for help when he finally found a small switch on the edge of the dresser.  We never found it on again after that  so I figure it's a little joke they like to play on people their first night in town. 

Ritu neglected to take a picture of the bathroom which was my favorite part.  Double vanity made of marble, great big bathtub, glass enclosed shower, and a flat screen TV because God Forbid you miss anything while you're getting ready.  (Did I mention there were three TVs in our suite?)  Plus one of those little girly tables to sit at while you put on your make-up.  I'll admit I'm a sucker for those.

We were on the 28th floor overlooking a section of The Strip.




Here's the same view at night:





More soon.  Now I've got to go dose Emma....



Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Emma Redux

When we got back from Vegas, I noticed Emma was acting a little funny.  It looked like she had a bald patch behind one of her ears and she kept shaking her head.  I figured she was itchy from ear mites and took her to the vet for what I assumed would be a quick fix.  As soon as the vet mentioned how unusual it would be to see ear mites in a guinea pig, I knew I was doomed.  Turns out, of course, that she didn't have ear mites.  She had a flare up of this which I'm sure you all remember from April.  Last time, the ear infection caused the head tilt which in turn led to corneal abrasions in her right eye.  Now her ear is infected again and she has findings in both eyes.  Since she has only minimal tilt this time, the eye issue seems to be related to a systemic infection, not abrasions.  Last time I spent two weeks administering three medications.  This time I have FOUR.  Here's a look at my Guinea Pig Pharmacy.

From left to right we have:

1.  Antibiotic eye drops,  2-3 drops in both eyes every 12 hours.

2.  Anti-inflammatory ear drops, 2-3 drops in the right ear every 12 hours.

3.  Acidophilus capsules.  These you have to open up and mix with 2 ml of water and syrninge feed her twice a day.

4.  Antibiotic, .6 ccs syringe fed twice a day. 

As before, the acidophilus has to be given 45 minutes before the antibiotic.  That way all the good bacteria in her gut doesn't get destroyed by the antibiotic.  Plus, it means the medicine giving process takes 45 minutes twice a day.

What makes this especially fun is the addition of the ear drops.  The vet and the tech both warned me how important it was to wear rubber gloves while handling them.  Apparently they contain  DMSO  which is a controversial substance and has only limited approval by the FDA for certain medical conditions.  The concern has to do with the fact that it is so quickly absorbed once it gets on your skin.   When I asked the tech at the vet's office what would happen if it got on me, I Swear To God she said that my bones would start to dissolve.  Ritu did some research and couldn't find that particular side effect, but did say it's used in other countries as a topical analgesic.  He finds it somewhat less than concerning.  I don't understand why I have to use gloves to touch it, but it's perfectly ok to squirt it directly into my two pound guinea pig's head.  (Oh wait, sorry, she's up to two pounds and one ounce now.  Such a big girl!)  Guess what a guinea pig does when you give her toxic ear drops!  Did you guess shake her head spraying them right in your face?  Bingo!  Anybody know where I can get a welder's mask and some Skele-Grow?

The good news is that other than the original head shaking, she hasn't seemed too sick.  The bad news is that her generally healthy state leaves me much less sympathetic to her plight.  Also, slightly more resentful of the $122 this visit cost me.  Hopefully this round of drugs will solve the problem once and for all and may even cure her of that residual tilt.  Lucky for her she's so dang cute.

 

 

Pete's Pond

One of my favorite Internet Time Wasters/Educational Experiences is back up and running!  For the past three years, National Geographic has operated a "wildcam" at Pete's Pond in Botswana.  The presence of this man-made lake helped revitalize the wild animal population there which had been threatened by poachers who waited at the Limpopo River.  Now the area has become a wildlife preserve filled with birds, impala, wildebeests, zebras and more.  Just this morning, the kids and I saw an elephant and a cheetah.  Have fun!

Pete's Pond Wildcam

Monday, August 20, 2007

Well, Duh

Juliana won a set of those plastic fangs at a Chuck E. Cheese type place last week.  She is quite fond of them and loves to sneak up on people and "scare" them.  Her stealth mode isn't too effective as the teeth are so large that you can hear her coming a mile away what with all the slurping and schnuffling noises she makes in an attempt to breathe while wearing them.  She bared her fangs at me tonight and I dutifully acted scared.

 "Eeeeek!  It's a vampire!"

 "No, I'm not"

 "Then what are you?" 

"I'm Juliana wearing rubbery, fake teeth."

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Vegas - Part 1

A few months ago, Ritu had the chance to speak at a conference in Italy in September and we contemplated taking the entire family.  Unfortunately, they found enough speakers before he committed and the opportunity was lost.  So, when we planned our Las Vegas trip, I thought it would be mighty funny to stay at The Venetian as a lame stand-in for our lost visit to Italy.  Most of the hotels on The Strip have some sort of gimmick and The Venetian is no different.  Their theme is a trip to Venice complete with it's own Grand Canal.

As a disclaimer, I will say that much of the hotel was gorgeous and the guest rooms were possibly the nicest I've ever stayed in, but there was a Grand Hokeyness factor that I couldn't overlook.

For instance, when you first pull up, there is a huge portico covering 5 lanes of traffic. 


The ceiling is covered with numerous paintings.  Doesn't this just scream Park Here to you?



Hey look!  I think these guys are playing craps.


The lowermost level contains the Grand Canal Shoppes and the aforementioned Grand Canal itself.


The gondola rides featured, of course, singing gondoliers.  You just know this guy's mom tells everyone her son has a job in show business.




Here I am enjoying my stroll along the canal.


Here is Ritu.  Note what a lovely sunny day it is here in the basement of the Venetian. 



We spent hours strolling around Venice, er, the Venetian.  Eventually, as the sky turned pink and gold with the sunset, we stumbled upon a large piazza.




It was filled with street performers.  Who doesn't love street performers??


Like this guy on stilts! Pretending the jester guy! Is his marionette!  Oh, how we laughed at those scamps.




And a strolling accordion player.   I simply can't get enough of the dulcet tones of an accordion.  Ritu insisted I get my picture taken with him.  That husband of mine is forever looking out for my happiness.


And what visit to Venice would be complete without The Guy Who Pretends He's A Statue?



I hate this guy.  He wasn't even a good statue.  He blinked like a 4-way traffic light and fidgeted more than a three year old in church.  
I envisioned running full tilt at him and knocking him down.  The hostility this man provoked in me was completely unreasonable and could only be quelled by many glasses of red wine.  Thank goodness the Venetian has no short supply of that.






Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Something Funny

I'm back!  And I must say that I had a surprisingly good time!  I fully expected to hate Vegas (I always expect the worst, then I can be pleasantly surprised now and then.  Don't you wish you got to live with the delight that is me?) but we had a blast.  I'll try to upload my pictures today.

In the meantime, I was reading the New Yorker on the plane and this cracked me up
.

Hey, Look by Simon Rich July 23, 2007

W hat I imagined the people around me were saying when I was . . .

Eleven:

“Oh, man, I can’t believe that kid Simon missed that ground ball! How pathetic!”

“Wait. He’s staring at his baseball glove with a confused expression on his face. Maybe there’s something wrong with his glove and that’s why he messed up.”

“Yeah, that’s probably what happened.”

 

                    ————

 

Twelve:

“Did that kid sitting behind us on the bus just get an erection?”

“I don’t know. For a while, I thought that was the case, but now that he’s holding a book on his lap it’s impossible to tell.”

“I guess we’ll never know what the situation was.”

 

                    ————

 

Thirteen:

“Hey, look, that thirteen-year-old is walking around with his mom!”

“Where?”

“There—in front of the supermarket!”

“Oh, my God! That kid is way too old to be hanging out with his mom. Even though I’ve never met him, I can tell he’s a completeloser.”

“Wait a minute. He’s scowling at her and rolling his eyes.”

“Oh, yeah . . . and I think I just heard him curse at her, for no reason.”

“I guess he’s cool after all.”

 

                    ————

 

Fourteen:

“Why does that kid have a black ‘X’ on the back of his right hand?”

“I bet it’s because he went to some kind of cool rock concert last night.”

“Wow. He must’ve stayed out pretty late if he didn’t have time to scrub it off.”

“Yeah, and that’s probably why his hair is so messy and dirty—because he cares more about rocking out than conforming to society.”

“Even though he isn’t popular in the traditional sense, I respect him from afar.”

 

                    ————

 

Fifteen:

“Hey, look, that kid is reading ‘Howl,’ by Allen Ginsberg.”

“Wow. He must be some kind of rebel genius.”

“I’m impressed by the fact that he isn’t trying to call attention to himself.”

“Yeah, he’s just sitting silently in the corner, flipping the pages and nodding, with total comprehension.”

“It’s amazing. He’s so absorbed in his book that he isn’t even aware that a party is going on around him, with dancing and fun.”

“Why aren’t any girls going over and talking to him?”

“I guess they’re probably a little intimidated by his brilliance.”

“Well, who wouldn’t be?”

“I’m sure the girls will talk to him soon.”

“It’s only a matter of time.”

 

                    ————

 

Sixteen:

“Hey, look, it’s that kid Simon, who wrote that scathing poem for the literary magazine.”

“You mean the one about how people are phonies? Wow—I loved that poem!”

“Me, too. Reading it made me realize for the first time that everyone is a phony, including me.”

“The only person at this school who isn’t a phony is Simon.”

“Yeah. He sees right through us.”



Wednesday, August 8, 2007

blah blah blah

All right, all right, I know.  I suck.  And it's not going to get better any time soon.  I've just been drifting, anchor-less, through the end of the summer.  I have made some headway on the wallpaper, but it's not done yet either.  I should just rename this blog A Half-Assed Passage to India.

Anyhow, tomorrow Ritu and I are heading to Las Vegas for the weekend.  He turned 40 in July and this is our celebration trip.  If you have any suggestions of things to see and do there, let me know.