Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Crafty New Year!

I am so totally not a Martha Stewart type, but on New Year's Day we had a small brunch and Juliana and I decided to make party favors.  She pored over her Pink Princess Cookbook and we finally decided to make fortune cookies with happy messages to start the New Year off right. 


First, she brainstormed fortunes.  Here's a partial listing of what she came up with.  (Could she be more full of sunshine?  I swear, a career at Hallmark awaits her.)

Your pets will be funny, cuddly, cute, & and awesome!

Hope this year is full of fun and learning!

Hope all your dreams come true.

May every day be excellent this year!

Have a great adventure this year.

Spend the year laughing.

Hope everything you learn is exciting.

Hope your world is full of friendship.


(I'll admit to adding one that said "Hope Voldermort doesn't get you this year." and another that said "Your hair looks great!"

We tried to print out the fortunes on some nifty vellum paper but all it did was jam the printer, so we settled for regular paper and cut each one out with those scissors with the patterned edges.  (See, I told you I wasn't crafty.  I assume those scissors have an actual name.)

Then we made the cookies.  The recipe is so cute and easy.  Basically you start with a refrigerated pie crust, roll out any wrinkles and cut it into circles using a 3 inch round cookie cutter.  You place a paper fortune on the circle, fold the dough in half, then fold it in half the other direction.  Brush the top with a little water, dip it in colored sugar crystals and bake until it's golden brown. 



After they cooled, we were ready to package them.  We'd visited a couple of party stores to find small Chinese take-out containers in assorted colors.  We used a bag of cellophane shreds to make a nest in the bottom for the cookie to rest on. 




We made a dozen so that
each person got a box with a single fortune cookie inside.




Monday, January 7, 2008

I Went To The Opera! (Sort Of)

Yesterday, to celebrate our own Momdeplume's birthday, I took her to the opera.  Sort of.  The Metropolitan Opera in New York City is presenting a handful of their performances as high definition simulcasts that can be viewed at movie theaters around the country. 

As I've never been to the opera before, I decided that seeing one on a movie screen would be the perfect way to edge into the genre.  The timing was right to help celebrate Mom's birthday so I called and suggested it.  I was met with lukewarm enthusiasm.  I got a light-handed version of typical Jewish guilt with a subtle "Well, if that's what you want to do, then let's do it."  I told her to think about it and I'd call back to get her final answer.  In the meantime I started to do some research.  Here's the first thing I learned: You have to earn the right to see this simulcast.   You'd think finding a movie listing would be one of the simplest tasks the internet performs.  I googled and followed links and looked at movie listings until I  considered tossing my computer out the window.  Finally I found a vague scrap of information that listed a theater.  Eventually I was able to find a movie time.  Because it's a single showing on a single day at a single theater (maybe there were more locations in my area, but I couldn't find them) it doesn't get advertised as thoroughly as regular movies.  Despite my frustration, I felt a little virtuous to have persevered long enough to get this much info.  (Ritu assumed I was just looking in the wrong places.  I told him to have at it.  He scrounged up the same scraps I got and admitted defeat.)

On the day of the show, I called my mom back and asked for her final answer.  She was still a tiny bit on the fence, wishing that it was an opera she was familiar with.  I pointed out that it was Hansel and Gretel so we'd at least know the story.  Finally I persuaded her with the promise of popcorn for lunch.  I picked her up and we set out in the rain to find the theater.  Here's the second thing I learned: Be prepared to shell out the big bucks.  Because this is a limited closed circuit showing, you will be paying for the privilege of seeing it.  My ticket cost $22.  Thank God my mom is a senior because that discount got her ticket down to $20.  Yee-haw!

We got our tickets and stared at the concession stand for a moment.  Neither of us knew what opera/movie etiquette was.  Would it be tacky to munch our way through the show?  We decided first to wander into the theater under the guise of choosing seats.  That way we could determine A) if we were the only suckers dumb enough to pay $20 for a movie ticket and B) what we could buy to eat. 


Turns out there were probably 40 people in the theater, many of them with huge bags of popcorn.  We threw our coats down on some seats and skipped back to the concession stand.  Laden down with popcorn and diet coke, we settled in.  The theater continued to fill up and I would say probably 75 or more people were in attendance.  The lights went down, the screen lit up and the sounds of the orchestra warming up in the pit could be heard.  Now, these are advertised as "simulcasts" but if I understand it correctly, the show we saw was performed and filmed on January 1st. 

Here's the third thing I learned: This version of Hansel and Gretel was performed in English.  (Who knew?)  And yet, there were still English subtitles which were remarkably handy.  Along with a stunning view of everything on stage, we, as a simulcast audience, we privy to a view of some of the backstage happenings and even a few interviews with cast members during the intermission. 

The show itself was utterly enchanting.  I was so taken with it that I even (briefly) forgot to eat my popcorn.  I knew to expect gorgeous voices, but I had no idea that the acting would be so good or the sets and costumes so intriguing or that the show would be downright funny and exuberant in places.  I loved every minute of it; we both did.  In fact, my mom said to me, "What a good idea this was!"  Ah, vindication!

Here's the fourth thing I learned: If you get a chance to see a Metropolitan Opera simulcast DO IT.  The next one is a showing of Macbeth this Saturday, January 12th.  (I don't know why these two are so close together--the other ones seem more spread out.) Here is a link that outlines the info and schedule nicely.   Yes, it's pricy but even if you bought the most expensive ticket at the Met, you wouldn't get a view as clear and glorious as you get with the high definition broadcast.  Not to mention popcorn.


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

An Open Letter To Trader Joe's


Dear Trader Joe's,


We haven't known each other all that long.  In fact, we only met about five years ago.  You came highly recommended.  As soon as it became official that we would be moving to Oregon, people came out of the woodwork to sing your praises.  "You are going to LOVE having Trader Joe's so close by!" everyone said.  I'd nod my head and feign excitement.  After the limited shopping I had in North Carolina, I was just thrilled to shop anywhere without the word "Piggly" in the title. 

The first time I stopped in to meet you, I was completely unprepared.  I came looking for diapers.  Turns out you don't carry diapers--well, maybe organic unbleached cotton ones or something, but not the Huggies I was seeking.  I took a quick trip up and down the aisles then left empty-handed.  Sure, some of your products looked intriguing, but clearly you were not going to meet my entire grocery needs, so what was the point?   In those days, I had a 5 year old and a 2 year old in tow.  I was most definitely not interested in adding more shopping trips to my tenuous routine.

Eventually I found some time to visit you alone to see what all the fuss was about.  I was instantly charmed.  Tiny little champagne grapes, jars of sweet-hot mustard, adorable graham cracker cats, and of course bottles of Two Buck Chuck.  I soon learned that the treats I brought home for the kids went mostly uneaten.  Apparently organic Jo-Jo cookies couldn't hold a candle to Oreos and the only person who liked the graham cracker cats was me.  So I stopped shopping with the kids in mind and found even more to love.  Now this was in the days when I had just lost over 50 pounds using Weight Watchers and I was always on the lookout for low points foods.  You were a mecca for that.  Meringue cookies for 2 points each, 3/4 of a cup of Puffins cereal for one point, and the pinnacle:  Milk Chocolate Covered Soy Nuts.  Points wise, these translated into about 1 point for a tablespoon.  That may not sound like much but being able to grab a handful of them when I needed a hit of chocolate was instrumental in maintaining my weight loss.  Most nights I would make myself a sort of snack mix to eat while watching TV by using Puffins cereal, chocolate covered soy nuts, and a handful of mini-marshmallows.  I was thrilled with this development and no trip to see you was complete without 2 or 3 packages of your soy nuts in my cart.

This past year, I noticed that the milk chocolate ones were increasingly scarce.  I asked and was told that they had been discontinued.  This was a blow, indeed.  I shot off an email of complaint and soon received a form letter response registering my concern.  On my next visit, I reluctantly choses a container of the dark chocolate ones.  They weren't as good as the milk chocolate ones, but hey, a relationship requires work by both parties and I was able to make the adjustment.  Over time I began to enjoy them and all was well.  I felt we had successfully weathered this potentially stormy time. Then, this fall, I noticed the dark chocolate ones were gone.  I inquired with the cashier and was told they had been discontinued as well.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you I sighed loudly and asked her why you were trying to ruin my life.  She suggested I try the chocolate covered edamame.  I stopped myself from suggesting she shut the hell up.

I came home and shot off another email, this one dripping with sorrow and disappointment.  You wrote me back explaining that frequently rotating in new products kept things fresh and exciting.  You admitted that limited shelf space meant that this had to be done at the expense of older, established products.  I couldn't believe you could be so selfish.  Fresh and exciting for who?  What about older, established CUSTOMERS?  I had been faithful to you for years and I didn't appreciate your disregard for my needs.  I did some internet searching and found entire message boards devoted to the heartbreak YOU inflict by discontinuing your products.  It helped a little to know I wasn't alone.

I pulled myself together and tried to bounce back.  I did more searching assuming that these chocolate covered soy nuts must be available SOMEwhere--isn't this exactly why the internet exists?  Yeah, well, here's a big fat thanks for nothing, internet.  The only ones I can find online have only one gram of fiber per serving.  Your soy nuts had 5 grams.  The fiber count is essential in making it a low-points food.  Fine  You win.  Are you happy now?  I'm left with NOTHING.   Why do you hate me, Trader Joe's?  All I've done is love you and given you money.  When the Fearless Flyer comes out, I peruse it like food porn.  And this, this is the thanks I get.

My next trip in, the cashier again suggested I try the chocolate covered edamame.  Fine.  I bought some.  Not surprisingly, Ritu and I had the following conversation:

"What did you think of the chocolate covered edamame I bought?"

"I tried it but I really didn't like it very much."

"Well, of course you didn't.  It's chocolate covered edamame for God's sake.  Who the fuck would want to eat that?"

I hope that someday we can be friends again, but for now, I think it's best if we just stop seeing each other.  I just can't risk being hurt like this again.

Sincerely,
Janet