Thursday, April 27, 2006

Thanks For Clearing That Up

Today Ritu and I had the rare chance to go out for lunch without kids.  He had a doctor's appointment (his knee is healing nicely) so we couldn't go until almost 1:30.  We decided on P.F. Chang's.  Having never worked in a restaurant, I am going to make an assumption based on our experience today that there is a second tier of waitstaff who work the off-hours between lunch and dinner.  And when I say "second tier" I mean "borderline retarded".  I think my favorite moment was when our waiter patiently explained to us that "Soy sauce is like salt."

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Passover Recap

 I know I left you hanging on the gefilte fish making.  The process was definitely nasty...picture huge bowls containing 11 pounds of ground raw fish, mixed with raw eggs and matzah meal, shaped into balls by hand then boiled for an hour in big soup pots.  And picture my mother and I outside on the patio with the food processor grinding up the horseradish root. Despite all the strange odors and the shrieking, none of my neighbors called the cops.  The good news is that the fish was absolutely delicious.  The bad news is that even two weeks later, every time you open my refrigerator, the scent of gefilte fish wafts out.  I've tried opening the door, spraying in a copious amount of Febreze Air Effects, then slamming it shut but it hasn't solved the problem.  Juliana keeps running out of the kitchen complaining about "that evil smell". 

Anyhow, the holiday went really well and it was great to have my whole family together for a few days.  They all pitched in and helped with whatever needed to be done.  A friend of mine told me that Jesus is sometimes referred to as "Christ, Our Passover".  We uttered that phrase as well, only it was more in the context of: "Christ, our Passover requires a lot of dish-washing!" 

Here are some pictures:

Juliana and my mom making matzah meal pancakes

The seder table all set and ready to go....it had to extend out into the playroom from the dining room.

Juliana and Ritu

Me and my sister, Jennifer

David, trying unsuccessfully to ward off the camera with a spoon

My brother Joe (yes, we all have "J" names) looking earnest

My nephew Enzo...think he knows he's cute?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm Outta Here

I was hoping to get some blogging time this week, but it hasn't panned out.  Ritu had arthroscopic knee surgery on Tuesday and I've been playing nursemaid.  Right now I'm trying to get us all packed up to head to the beach for a long weekend.  I'm hoping it will be a nice change of scenery and a good place for Ritu to recuperate.

Let me leave you with one Juliana-ism.  At lunch today, she studied her juicebox and informed me that: "This is 100% juice".  About 5 minutes later, I heard her tearing towards the bathroom yelling, "Now I have to 100% pee!"

Sunday, April 16, 2006

I Can't Imagine Where I Get My Anti-Social Tendencies

The seders have come and gone, the company has returned to California and I am hoping to post a more detailed report tomorrow.  I don't want to say that we're suffering from Family Togetherness Overload, but today when my Mom made a final trip over to my house to drop some things off and pick up a load of china and containers that needed to go back to her house, on her way out the door she stopped, smiled sweetly at me, then said, "Let's never talk again"

 

 

Saturday, April 8, 2006

Passover

While my family has strayed from it's conservative Jewish roots a bit (what with the marrying of Hindus and all), Passover remains our biggest holiday.   I have been with my family at Passover every single year of my life.  For the most part, that meant traveling to Pittsburgh where our seders were held first at my grandmother's house, then at my aunt's.  Each seder is a major event, lasting approximately 4 hours.  Think pressed tablecloths, polished silver, gleaming crystal and more food than you can shake the rod of Moses at.  During Passover, we commemorate the Jews escape from slavery in Egypt (they fled before there was time for their bread to rise) by taking all foods containing leavening out of our diet for a week.  But, being Jews, we can't just eliminate foods.  No, we must re-create them in ways that are kosher for Passover. If you have a grocery store with a Jewish section, go take a look:  Passover pasta, Passover cookies, Passover stuffing mix.  My cousin even makes "matzana" by layering matzah with ricotta cheese and tomato sauce. 

So, let's say that for breakfast you generally eat scrambled eggs and fruit.  During Passover, instead of continuing to eat that perfectly fine unleavened meal, you would replace it with: pancakes made from matzah meal, coffeecake made from matzah meal, and a nice crunchy slab of matzah slathered with butter and preserves.   See?  Isn't that better?  In the story of Passover, matzah is referred to as "the bread of affliction".  Let me assure you that if you eat too much of it, it soaks every bit of moisture from your digestive tract and you are afflicted with something only Matzahmucil can cure.

This past year, my mother moved from Pittsburgh to join us here in Oregon.  Now, she and all three of her children and their families reside on the West Coast.  As a result, we are having Passover here.  And when I say "here", I mean HERE.  At my house!  What the hell was I thinking?  I always thought I was making a sacrifice to uproot myself and travel to Pittsburgh for Passover, but now I see how good I had it.  All I had to was pack, show up, and maybe help set the table.  Voila!  Out of thin air, the Magical Passover Fairies conjured up a fabulous dinner. 

But this year, oh this year, I won't have to travel.  How convenient!  I just need to figure out how and what to feed 18 people for dinner.  I have to polish everything I own that is silver.  If I owned an ironing board, I might even have to iron tablecloths and napkins.  I have to shop and clean and cook and bake.  I have to get my house ready for houseguests AKA those ungrateful whores who just show up with their luggage and expect me to feed them. 

Luckily, I have my mother to help me.  We have had numerous "planning meetings", grocery runs, and cooking marathons.  We've managed to pace ourselves pretty well and I already have a freezer full of Passover desserts, matzah ball soup, and matzah meal pancakes.  But we're getting into crunch time.  My paralysis this morning over the workload cause me to  fall  into an old habit.  Obviously the time was right to rearrange the magnets and pictures on my refrigerator! 

On Monday, my mother and I are going to attempt to make gefilte fish. This involves ten pounds of real live dead fish.  Being chopped.  And rolled into balls,  And boiled.  God help us.  When searching for recipes, I found these helpful hints.  Those definitely brought back memories of my grandmother, may she rest in peace.  How I miss her this time of year.  Especially since she used to do all the damn cooking.

Friday, April 7, 2006

Updating Links

If you haven't noticed, I've added some links to the sidebar.  The Favorite Sites section links to some fantastically talented people who also happen to be my friends.  Check them out!  Mention my name and, um, they'll probably deny knowing me. 

Also, here's something cool.  My sister, Jennifer, wrote a book

Let's see, optimization in an hour a day....twenty-four hours in a day...eight hours of sleep....yep, you'd better order sixteen copies.

Thursday, April 6, 2006

And You Call Yourselves My Friends?

Not a-one of you noticed my haircut. 

Tuesday, April 4, 2006

Void Where Prohibited

My kids both love to listen to Radio Disney.  It's one big product placement where you can hear songs from Disney movies, songs by artists signed to the Disney music label, remakes of songs from Disney movies by artists signed to the Disney music label, PLUS a Hilary Duff song every ten minutes!  Also, there are adult DJs pretending to be school kids which, truthfully, freaks me the fuck out.  If you listen to the station for about two hours, you will become familiar with their entire playlist.  To give you a hint, Who Let The Dogs Out is still in heavy rotation.  Despite all this, I don't mind it because it's NOT A CD.  When my kids glom onto a CD, they want to listen to it over and over and over.  Even The Best CD Ever cannot withstand this treatment.  They demand repeated playings until I dream of sharpening the edge of the disc, then using it to slit my own wrists.  At least with a radio station, there's that moment of anticipation as you wait to see what the next song will be.  ("Oh, wow, Who Let The Dogs Out!") 

Radio Disney is forever running contests.  You can call in with the "word of the day" to register for a grand prize.  Sometimes you can win a small prize when you get registered.  To hear the callers shriek and carry on, I don't think they quite understand that they've only won a chance to win.

The other day, Juliana asked if we could call Radio Disney to enter a contest.  Before I could even answer (NO!), David vetoed the idea:

David: I don't think we should call Radio Disney because they're not fair. 

Me:  Not fair in what way?

David: They never let boys win the contests.

Me (Thinking how most of the calls do involve screaming girls, but realizing that pre-adolecent boys sound a lot like girls):  That's not true, honey, boys can win too, even thought it does seem like girls call a lot.

David: But Mom, at the end of every contest they say "Boys Are Prohibited"!

Sunday, April 2, 2006

Why I Love My Husband (Non Latte Edition)

Last night as we were getting ready for bed and setting the clocks forward, Ritu turned to me in utter seriousness and said, "I'm just going to warn you. Tomorrow I'll probably make that joke about  'It's 9:00? Because it only feels like 8:00!'  Even I don't think it's a funny joke, but I can't help making it."

Saturday, April 1, 2006

Fools, Indeed

No one should have to be subjected to approximately 250 of the lamest April Fool's "jokes" pre-coffee.  Little idiots.