Thursday, April 26, 2007

Hiccups

When I get the hiccups, everybody knows it.  I don't get delicate little airy hics.  I get the kind that actually say hic-CUP.  Distinct, loud two-syllable hiccups.  If I get them once, I am almost always bound to get them twice more that day.  The children get exasperated with me especially if I am trying to read <hic-CUP> out loud <hic-CUP> to <hic-CUP> them.  The other day, Juliana actually yelled at me to "Stop that hiccuping!"  I entertained the notion of giving her a little lesson on bodily reflexes in a way that would most likely land me in prison.  (Plus, there's nothing like telltale hiccuping when you're trying to hide from the cops.)

David had a better suggestion.  One that involved a glass of water.  He told me that I should take 10 swallows of water without breathing.  I visualized myself with lungs full of water and suggested to him that he was trying to end more than my hiccups.   I wondered why he didn't stop pussyfooting around and say, "Mommy, I have a great way to stop  your hiccups.  Take a gun.  Point it at your head.  Pull the trigger."

And just so you know.  During all this, I was sitting on the floor reading to Juliana.  I hiccuped so violently that the back of my head slammed against the wall.  A hiccup injury.  Top that.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Books

I've done a ton of reading lately (a lot of non-fiction right now) and wanted to pass along some recommendations.

Strange Piece of Paradise  by Terri Jentz.  In 1977, Terri Jentz and her college friend set out to bicycle across the country.  Just a few days into it while camping in Central Oregon, they were assaulted.  A stranger ran them over while they slept,  got out of his truck and attacked them with an axe, then left them for dead.  They both survived and this is Terri's story of recovery and healing.  She returns to the scene decades later to try and find out what happened and who her attacker was.  Unlike a lot of "true crime" books which only focus on finding a suspect,this book lets us share in the journey of the victim and the way she struggles to make sense of this random attack and the impact it had on her entire life. 

The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who
Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler.  I first heard about this book in the latest issue of Brain, Child.  It's mainly comprised of personal narratives from teenagers and young women who became pregnant out of wedlock in the 1950s, 1960s and early 1970s.   Despite many of them having boyfriends who were willing to marry them, these women were systematically broken down by parents, social workers, physicians, and religious leaders until they agreed to give their babies up for adoption.  The commonality of experience that these women shared is mind-boggling.  It is impossible not to be touched by the pervasive grief that has followed these women since they surrendered their babies.  Besides serving as a forum for these women to share their stories (many of them kept these pregnancies a secret for their entire adult life), Ann Fessler does a great job placing it into the sociological context of the time. 

Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott.  I first discovered Anne Lamott when Juliana was a newborn.  I read Operating Instructions and, on some level, it saved me.  The honesty with which she wrote about her entry into motherhood affected me so deeply.  Her writing made me feel less alone and it took away a lot of my post-partum guilt which freed me up to actually enjoy my baby.  I'd heard that she'd gotten all Jesusy after awhile and had steered clear of her nonficition.  Then my friend recomended Traveling Mercies and my book club decided to read it.  Honestly, I don't think I would've been as receptive to it even five years ago, but now that I'm where I am in life, it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I've never read another author who can have me brimming with tears and then laughing out loud on successive pages.   Her ability to couple faith with utter irreverance is the only way I would ever find myself reading about spirituality.  I haven't yet gotten her newest book, but after I read Traveling Mercies, I burned right through Bird by Bird and Plan B: Further Thoughts On Faith.  (which contains my new favorite quote: "On the day I die, I want to  have had dessert.")

And here's a work of fiction tossed in for you....

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See.
  Ths book takes place in China in the 19th century.  Those two things generally cause me to break into a prolonged yawning fit while shoving the book right back onto the shelf.  Someone I barely know recommended it to me, then brought me her copy.  It's always iffy to take a book recommendation from a near-stranger, but this one paid off big time.  The writing is so lovely and I found myself simply transported by the narrative.  It focuses on the lifelong relationship between two young girls in rural China, following them through their footbinding  and subsequent marriages.  It's the kind of book that makes you want to invite all the important women in your life out for hot fudge sundaes.  It's also the best piece of fiction I've read in a good long time. 

Monday, April 23, 2007

Yes, It's Become That Kind Of Blog

I uploaded the pictures from my camera and found a bunch from Juliana's birthday in February.  Boy, they were cute.  But not as cute as these ones of Emma from last week.  (So, I'm dangerously close to becoming a Crazy Guinea Pig Lady.  What's it to you? )

This would be why it's called Head Tilt.


Here she is getting her antibiotic

That right eye is still looking a little wonky

Less tilty!

Piggy burrito


I am happy to report that Emma seems to have made a full recovery!  She's back in the regular pen with Spots and is perky and happy.  The tilt is almost completely gone; all that remains is a slightly quizzical look.  Tomorrow maybe I'll put a tiny sombrero on her and take more pictures.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Duh

Friday afternoon our internet service went out.  The rest of the computer worked like a charm, but nothing would connect to the internet.  Ritu fiddled around with it that evening, but he had to go to work Saturday morning.  I was home all day with the kids as David was sick, so David and I spent some time making sure that everything was firmly inserted into the power strip and that all the little pluggy thingies were fully connected to the back of the CPU, modem, and router.  All indications were that everything was connected, but still nothing.  From work, Ritu checked the Verizon home page, but there was no notice of an outage in our area.  David kept bugging me to call Verizon, but yesterday was a day when the pull of gravity on my ass was ramped up to High, so my motivation was limited.  (My time on the couch was well spent, though.  I got the current New Yorker completely read.)  Finally Ritu came home and messed with things some more before realizing that he'd accidentally unplugged the modem on Friday.  Since it plugs into a random outlet and not the power strip, I didn't even think to look at it.  Plus, the modem was making blinky green lights the whole time.  My point is that we are all too stupid to live.

And while we're on the topic, how about a list of things I've managed to do lately?

1.  After my shower, I always wiggle a q-tip around in my ear.  (Yes, I know you aren't supposed to, but imagine if everything in life was as satisfying as that q-tip in your ear.)  Somehow--I think I was brushing my hair out of my way--I accidentally whacked the end of the q-tip so hard that it nearly shot out the other side. 


2.  Ritu is having knee surgery on Tuesday.  You may recall that he had it done last April as well.  We're hoping this one has better results.  On Friday I filled his prescription for post-op pain meds and picked up his crutches.  While unloading the crutches from the back of the van, I lost my grip and the top of one hit me right in the eye.  Now I know what those foam covers are really for.

3.   Guinea pigs love a little bit of fresh fruit as a treat.  It sends them a bit of a mixed message however when, while cutting some apple,  I manage to drop the paring knife into the cage.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Adventures In Emailing

No one would argue that internet safety is a valid concern.  Online predators, identity theft, downloaded viruses...these things are real and scary and there are many precautions available to protect against them. I can't help but wonder, though, why the biggest danger to online life doesn't receive more attention.  Why does it have no safeguards?  Would it be so difficult to password protect it?  I speak, of course, of the Reply To All button. 

Who among us has not been the victim of this single, innocuous little click?  Not long ago, I wrote a scathing reply to my friend with whom I co-chair our school's Scholastic Book Fair.  It was all meant in fun.  It would best be described as a mock rant.  I threatened to quit the Book Fair completely.  I used the words: "You are dead to me."  I unknowingly hit Reply To All. 

It's one thing to realize you hit it a split second too late.  (Once I heard the comedian Jake Johannsen do a bit about realizing you've locked your keys in the car just as the door is slamming shut.  It feels the exact same way.)  The mail is sent off and you have no recourse.  I found that its even worse to hit Reply To All without realizing it.  My over-the-top reply went out to approximately ten PTA moms who had helped us set up the Book Fair.  A good 12 hours of blissful ignorance went by before I had any idea what I'd done.  I didn't know until one of my friends emailed me with a short reply.  I was horrified and panicked as I realized that  my little rant  had resulted in the equivalent of a prolonged, uncomfortable internet silence.  I decided  I had to undo what I had done.  I needed to send out another email.  Turns out it's a fine line between laughing something off and making yourself look like a total loon.  I kept it short and sweet.  The use of a blushing smiley seemed to help.  After I sent out my second email, there were a flurry of responses from people saying how amusing they thought my original rant was.  Funny how they didn't mention that until  that they felt it was safe to make eye contact with me again. 

Obviously, it could've been worse.  I hadn't called any of the PTA moms dirty whores or anything.  But I probably will eventually....

Oh hey, I found the Jake Johannsen bit on Youtube.  The part I'm talking about is during the last minute of the clip.





Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Blog Guilt

My sister called today and left me a message strewn with blog guilt, so here I am.  Let me try to get things back on track.

First off, Emma seems to be a bit better.  She is definitely perkier and she continues to eat with gusto, but her eye looks funny to me and she still has a bit of a head tilt.  I called the vet with an update on Monday and she called me back later in the day to recommend giving the meds another 4-5 days to work and seeing how she is then.  I still have her separate from the other guinea pig and I'm concerned about putting them back together.  Luckily, she takes her medicine like a dream.  I wrap her up in a dish towel (as the vet put it "make her into a piggy burrito") and hold her and she takes to the dropper just like a baby with a bottle.  She even gets her little claws up and around it sometimes. 

It's been a pretty blah week.  We're back into school and activities full swing after the Spring Break/Passover extended vacation.  It's been raining like mad and the weather has just sucked all motivation out of me.  I did manage to get a few nagging little projects done around the house yesterday, but then I found myself watching the Virginia Tech news coverage all afternoon. 

Today an email came from the school all about head lice.  What are the odds that they sent that out purely to disseminate public health information?  <sigh>

Let's end on an upbeat note:  On Sunday we went out to dinner with our neighbors.  We had to wait 45 minutes for a table and the service was awful.  By the time we finished up it was practically bedtime.  The neighbors were going out to Cold Stone Creamery afterwards, but I told my kids they would have to make do with the dish of ice cream that came with their meal.  David whined that Andrew got to go to Cold Stone.  I took advantage of a perfect parenting moment and said, "Well, if Andrew jumped off a bridge, would you?"  David used his best What A Moron You Are Voice to say, "Of course not.  But if Andew went to Cold Stone, I would go too!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Guinea Pig Update

Ok, well.  First off, it's harder than you think to find a vet who will see guinea pigs.  I assumed that the place right in Petsmart where they sell all these small animals could see her, but it turns out they must just want you to buy a new one if yours gets sick.  But we had a place recommended to us by two different veterinary practices, so that's where I took Emma today. 

The people there were very nice and while I was there I saw someone bring in two ferrets and I heard someone else calling to make an appointment for a turtle.  Emma was definitely a bit worse today.  Her head is cocked to the right side and her balance didn't seem good.  They weighed her and took her temperature first.  She weighs two wittle pounds and her temp was 100.7 which is apparently normal for a guinea pig.  (And no, I didn't see them do it so I can't report on how you take a guinea pig's temperature.) 

We went back to the exam room where the nice vet lady checked her out.  Unfortunately, the nice vet lady is allergic to guinea pigs, but she hung in there with a minimum of sneezing.  I dutifully reported that we had given both guinea pigs a bath for the first time on Saturday.  (We've had them for six months and they don't smell at all.  But we were out of town for 5 days and their litter was overdue for a change so they were a wee bit stinky.  Hence, the bath.)  It appears that some soap or water got down into her ear canal and has caused the problem.  She couldn't get a good look in Emma's right ear and the canal is super narrow, but the fact that she let us look in her left ear with no complaint kind of sealed the deal. 

I'd pretty much expected that diagnosis.  But the vet also wanted to check her right eye.  It turns out that when they have that head tilt, they end up dragging that side of their face along the litter and sure enough, Emma had an ulcerated cornea as a result.  To check this, just like with a person, she put a little stain in her eye and then looked at it with a black light.

Sooooooo, now she needs antibiotic ointment for her eye (twice a day) and a generalized oral liquid antibiotic for her ear (twice a day) and since the antibiotic destroys the important bacteria she needs in her intestines for digestion, I also have to give her an oral probiotic: acidophilus (twice a day).  Turns out the acidophilus comes in little capsules that you have to open up and dissolve in a tiny bit of water and give her with a syringe.  Oh, and there has to be a 45 minute window of time between the probiotic and the antibiotic.  Oh, and she should just be on a soft towel instead of the aspen bedding so she doesn't injure her eye any further. 

Sooooooo, I paid $115 at the vet for the visit and the meds, then I drove to Petsmart and spent $35 on a new, small cage and another water bottle so that I can keep her separate from Spots and in a controlled and safe environment.  I already put ointment on her eye (not real popular as you might guess) and gave her one dose of acidophilus (which she yumphed right down, thank goodness).   Now I'm waiting until noon so I can administer the antibiotic.

Being the good Jewish girl that I am, I am actually okay about the money spent and  the next week or so playing Guinea Pig Nurse.  It almost balances out the guilt I feel at nearly killing the poor thing in the name of hygiene.

Say A Tiny Little Prayer

I'm off to take one of our guinea pigs, Emma, to the vet.  She's been cocking her head to the side for the past few days.  I think it's because we gave her a bath on Saturday and she might've gotten some water in her ear and now maybe it's infected?  I'm hoping it's nothing worse than that or we are going to be a house full of misery.  (And before you decide it's God punishing me for writing about cooking guinea pigs, she was already in this condition when I wrote it!)

Monday, April 9, 2007

I'm Suffering All Right

Well, we've reached the last night of Passover.  During the weeklong celebration, Jews refrain from eating anything with leavening in it as a reminder of the unleavened bread the Jews carried when Moses led them out of slavery in Egypt.  We inconvenience ourselves in this small  way to remember the hardship our ancestors endured. 

As with any religious interpretation, there are a number of schools of thought regarding what is and isn't kosher for Passover.  Traditionally, any product containing wheats, oats, barley, spelt or rye that has been leavened is off limits.  Ashkenazi Jews (those with roots in Eastern Europe) also forbid legumes, corn, rice and beans as flour could be made from these substances as well.  Sephardic Jews (those with roots in the Spanish or North African countries) find these foods be acceptable for Passover.  My ancestors come from Lithuania and Russia.  Naturally, I consider myself Sephardic on Passover.  (Look, I figure once I married a Hindu, all bets were off.) 

We don't keep kosher in general, although I don't cook pork.  Ritu, however, likes to fry up bacon on weekend mornings, and I find it quite tasty.  Also, in my book, pizza just isn't pizza unless it has pepperoni.  (My book apparently isn't the Torah.)

As the children grow older, I've tried gradually to incorporate more of the dietary observance of Passover.  At first, it was "No Obvious Bread Products".  So, they could still eat their cereal, but waffles were out.  They had to have peanut butter and jelly on matzah, but they could have goldfish crackers with it.  It was sort of the Don't Ask, Don''t Tell method of Passover.  This year I've been more hard core and for the most part, we've all stuck with it.  But for the love of God, you'd think my children were being tortured.  The complaining, oy, the complaining!  Slavery in Egypt would be a glimmer of hope for them.

We left San Francisco at 6 AM on Wednesday for our 11 hour drive home.  About an hour into the drive, we stopped at a McDonald's to pick up breakfast.  I prepped the kids that there would be no biscuits or pancakes.  We all decided on the breakfast platter that had scrambled eggs, hash browns, and a sausage patty.  (That's right, kids, no bread but eat up that pork!)  Well, all of us except for Ritu who chose a sausage and egg biscuit on the argument that it would be easier to eat while he drove.  Oh, that and the fact that he's NOT JEWISH.  My mom helped Juliana with her tray of food in the back seat.  She took a few bites of egg, then sat there staring at her food.  I'm not sure there is a word in the English language to describe just how forlorn she was.  She refused to take another bite of anything.  She was so sad that she couldn't even muster the energy to cry.  She just sat there, soulless, as if she'd been betrayed by her last friend on earth.  I don't think she could've been more miserable had I cut up her blankie, used it to wrap up her pet guinea pig, cooked it and served it to her. 

I think David summed up their attitude for this entire week when he said, "Mommy, I bet I know what the first ingredient in matzah is.....SUFFERING!"