Thursday, March 2, 2006

Don't try this at home

In case you thought I was exaggerating my shock at escaping this misfortune, let me share a little anecdote.  A few weeks ago I was invited to sub for a Bunco group.  I only knew about half of the women there, so I was on my best behavior.  I was standing in the kitchen with a lovely glass of cabernet in my left hand.  My right arm was down at my side.  As I attempted polite chit chat with these strangers, I made a casual move to reposition my right arm across my body.   Suddenly there was a flurry of activity and a sloshing of red wine.  It was everywhere: the counter, the floor, and the cuff of my new white top.  The woman next to me turned and gaped asking, "Who hit you?"  That's when it was time to admit the truth:  I had knocked my own glass of wine out of my very own hand. 

Believe me when I say it takes a special talent to do that.  And I do things like that all the time.  Today I whacked my head on the dining room chandelier.  I walk into door frames.   I have a special knack for trying to walk out of my bathroom  with a laundry basket in my hands and slamming to a dead stop because the basket is wider than the doorway.  I remember closing the dishwasher, straightening up, and having my head jerk back down because I'd caught my scarf in it.  Once I closed my own head in the car door.  Ritu just sighs and calls me Princess Grace. 

I know I inherited this from my mother.  We call each other and compare pathetic notes.  I pray that my daughter will escape it, but she already exhibits an uncanny ability to fall off of every chair she sits on.  I particularly like when she sits on a stool at the kitchen counter, falls off it, and sends one or more of the stools crashing to the wood floor with her.  I find it helpful to get coffee in me before Juliana comes down for breakfast.  Of course, that involves handling scalding liquids.  Did I mention the time we went to Seattle and in the Starbuck's at the base of the Space Needle, I ordered a cup of coffee, added cream, pressed down on the lid to replace it and knocked over the entire cup?  They actually had to bring out a guy with a mop for that one. 


mazeway said...

Oh...I laughed out loud at that one.  Cause I've totally done it.  I swear I'm raising the Bolshoi here.  Even the dog falls down.

momdeplume said... sides hurt from laughing!!  That trick with the laundry basket...I've done it soooo many times. Recently, I have actually taken to instructing my hands in the morning, as "OK now...grasp the cup...don't drop it don't drop it....good, now set it down carefully".  It's pitiful, it's inherited, and I doubt it will ever get better.

momdeplume said...

And by the way (and speaking of falling dogs), yesterday, in the dog park, Maggie, a sheltie I know and am fond of, came running up to me.  Somehow, her mouth was open and as I reached out to pet her, my hand went into her mouth and SHE fell down!!  I was horrified!  She kinda steered clear of me after that for a while.

hallcjm said...

BAHAHAHAHA! Can't even reply beyond this I'm laughing so hard.

jbear97 said...

I laugh, and I feel your pain.. ok it's my own pain from doing the very same things.  We need a club.