A HinJew Christmas

My sister and I have a holiday tradition.  On Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (or often both) we'll call each other and have the following conversation:  "Aren't you so bored?"  "Oh my God, I am SO bored!"  As non-Christians on Christmas, we don't feel left out, but we do love to wallow in how there's nothing for us to do.  As we both live in large cities now, there are of course, many things for us to do, but this tradition hearkens back to our upbringing in Oil City, Pennsylvania where the population was scant and we were two of maybe four Jewish kids in our entire school system.  There was NOTHING for us to do on Christmas.  One year, our local Pizza Hut held a Christmas Eve buffet and we decided to go.  We figured we'd be the only people there, so imagine our surprise when there was a line out the door.  My mother was outraged.  "What is wrong with these people?  Why aren't they home with their families celebrating?  Who the hell comes to Pizza Hut for Christmas?"  We continued that ritual for many years afterwards: the pizza, the salad bar, the righteous indignation. 

While I know many more Jewish people these days, most of them are in mixed families and generally Christmas is celebrated on some level.  I still have conversations with people who can't grasp the fact that we don't celebrate Christmas at all.  "But you still do Santa, right?"    Uh, no.  Their gaze lingers on me for an extra second and I know they are debating whether Social Services needs to be informed.  I know many people see Christmas as a mostly secular holiday.  Call me a stickler, but if it's got Christ's name right in the title, I think it's best reserved for Christians.  I'm sure not long ago there were similar debates: "Take back that candy...he was SAINT Valentine, for God's sake."   Oh well, turns out eggnog is a tougher sell than chocolate. 

As we don't celebrate Christmas, Ritu always volunteers to work.  This generally guarantees him time off at Thanksgiving and New Year's.  And sure, there are things the kids and I could go out and do, but I like having the excuse of Christmas to stay in and relax.  I blame the last minute crowds or tell the kids that everythingis closed and we hole up at home.  Tonight after dinner, we all sat happily in the kitchen with Christmas music playing on the radio. (I have a great fondness for Christmas music.  I blame my mother who can both harmonize Oh Come All Ye Faithful AND sing it in Latin.)  I was knitting and the children were working quietly at various art projects.  It was just like a Norman Rockwell scene.  You know, had he painted HinJews not celebrating Christmas. 

Nothing Says Stay-At-Home Mom Like....

.....realizing belatedly that the whole time I was meeting with the nice man about refinishing our wood floors I had two large Winnie The Pooh stickers affixed to the front of my sweatshirt.  <sigh> 

Snow Day

Here in the Willamette Valley, we have two basic seasons.  Sunny and dry (which lasts from July through September) and rainy (which spans the other 9 months).  The rainy season comes with a variety of temperature ranging from hot and steamy to cold and clammy.  Usually in the winter months, the temperature hovers in the low 40s.  This makes true winter weather a huge event here.  For days, there has been talk of an ice storm.  General consensus was a slight chance of freezing rain around 6 PM with a definite chance closer to midnight.  The children had plans to go downtown for a 5 PM performance of The Nutcracker with my uncle.  I considered waiting til they left to run to the grocery store, but ultimately decided to go at 9 AM before Ritu left for work.  The triple whammy of Sunday morning, pre-Christmas week, and storm anticipation left the grocery store grid-locked.  As I was sailing through sans-children, I found it amusing, particularly the men standing around looking dazed, clutching grocery lists.  A quick check of my cart confirmed my plan to snack the children through the bad weather.  Popcorn?  Check.  Four boxes of orange jello?  Check.  (Some people make holiday sugar cookies.  We made jello jigglers and cut them out with Chanukah cookie cutters.  My holiday spirit is waning just a tad this year.)  I stared long and hard at the Poptarts, but ultimately resisted.

At 1:00 David was up the street at a friend's house and Juliana was in the shower.  I'd made arrangements for my uncle to pick them up at 4.  Just then I heard a light clattering on the window.  Sure enough, the freezing rain had started.  Only it wasn't freezing rain at all.  After a few minutes, it turned to snow.  So, the small amount of freezing rain slated to start at 6 PM evolved into snow at 1 PM that lasted for about three straight hours.  I don't think it's snowed here in 2 years.  Personally, I love the snow.  I especially love that it only happens every 2 years.  But while it's here, I am absolutely delighted by it.  I love how it looks swirling through the air and I love the soft scratchy sound it makes when it lands on the hydrangea.

Juliana and I immediately went outside.  She ran around playing while I filled all the birdfeeders and moved the hummingbird feeder to the Inclement Weather Hummingbird Feeder Spot. (You have no idea the stress I am under to preserve the local hummingbird population when it snows.) 

But now, do you see the problem? After a slew of back and forth phone calls, the plans for the Nutcracker were dashed.  My few precious hours of peace, quiet and alone-time had evaporated.  The only conclusion was that Mother Nature had personally conspired against me.  (As my friend Donyal said, "You'd think a Mother would understand!")

The good news was that Ritu got to leave work early.  The roads here were awful, despite the fact that only about a scant 1/2 inch of snow had accumulated.  Here in the land of tree-huggers, they won't salt the roads as it gets into the runoff water and affects the salmon population.  Instead we have like, 3 guys and a bucket of sand working to make the roads passable.  What normally takes 15 minutes to drive took him  over an hour and he was forced to ditch his car at the bottom of the neighborhood and walk the last half mile home. 

Last night there were more dire warnings of the second wave of freezing rain headed our way.  We woke this morning to temperatures above freezing and regular ol' rain falling.  A bit anti-climactic for sure.  But the jello jigglers turned out well.  Just wish I'd had some vodka.

The Taj Mahal

Wednesday morning we left the hotel at 7:30 to see the Taj Mahal.  (Here's a super quick history of the Taj Mahal.)  We wanted to beat both the crowds and the heat.  We arrived at the south entrance and met up with Papu so he could talk to somebody he knew and get us in free.  (Now, I don't want to say that Indians are cheap, but the admission was only $5 per person and kids under 15 were free.  Indian nationals only pay 10 rupees which is like 25 cents.)  The Taj Mahal is right in the middle of things.  Maybe someplace else is a large entrance that accommodates tour buses and things like that, but I didn't see it.  To get to this entrance we drove down a narrow,  regular street and just stopped at the gate. Here's a pic of the way we came down.  The red archway in the distance is the entrance.

There is a security line before you can enter.  Men go through one line and there is a separate one for women where a female attendant searches your bag and pats you down.  You can take very little in with you, both for security reasons and to cut down on littering.  Once you proceed through the gate, you are in a an area of grounds that are intersected by walkways and bordered by red sandstone buildings which used to serve as guest houses for visiting dignitaties.   At this point, the Taj Mahal is not yet in view.  There is still one more gate through which to travel.  Here is the view from the entrance looking towards the final gate.

As you approach the gate, suddenly, there through the archway, completely centered in the distance is the Taj Mahal.  There air is hazy and the effect is that the Taj floats before you like a dream or a mirage.  The contrast of the gleaming white marble and the red stone buildings is stunning.  It's almost surreal to see it hovering in the distance.  No matter how many pictures you've seen of it, they don't do it justice. 

The Taj is surrounded by expansive grounds.  Everything is symmetrical:  a gate to the west and a matching one to the east.  Lawns, fountains, and red sandstone walkways are laid out in perfect precision.  To me, (not surprisingly) the effect of all the symmetry is a sense of extreme peacefulness. 

On the building itself, the designs are made with inlaid stones and gems.  Our guide showd us how, when the sun glints off the edge, the stones sparkle like glass.  Apparently the sight under a full moon is something to behold.  You can go inside the building and see the top of the tomb.  The sun only filters in there, but the guide took a penlight and held it flush against the marble.  He slowly slid it down across the wall and when the light hit the inlaid designs, they glowed like fire.  I think I could've stood there all day watching that.

Here's a family portrait.  (Yes, we're all wearing Michigan clothes.  Wanna make something of it?  We're hoping to submit the pic to the alumni magazine.)

The Taj Mahal is only a few blocks away from where my mother-in-law grew up and she told of walking through the grounds on her way to school.  Often in the evenings, her family would come and picnic on the lawns.  Now, her family home has been leased to the government and the military guards who staff the Taj use it as living quarters.  We walked the few blocks to her house and were able to go inside.  It's three stories, built around a courtyard.  When it was first built, it was the tallest building in the area.  Ritu said that when he was little and came to India, he knew that if he got lost, all he had to do was say his Grandfather's name and someone would bring him straight home.  Although many building have been built in the area since then, you can still see the Taj in the distance from the rooftop. 

Fabric Shopping Pics

 Courtesy of Becky and her excellent photography skills, here are a few pictures from our adventures in fabric shopping. 

 

Back to India

It's just shy of a week since our return, and this is the first coherent, semi-productive day I've had.  David started with the stomach thing on Friday, but we've both now recovered.  This week, going through the motions, I've felt like a ghost hovering between two worlds: neither traveling nor fully home.  Like having a baby or moving, I'm going to need some time and distance from our trip (and it's recovery) to feel like it was something I'd do again. I have no doubt that I'll feel that way eventually, but right now I feel like I never want to travel anywhere again. 

All right, let's head back to India.  Metaphorically, of course.  Didn't I just say I wasn't going anywhere?  I'm going to use my journal to catch up on the days I missed when I was sick and without computer access.  Our third day there, we woke up for the day at 2:15 AM.  You can imagine the joy I felt.  We tried for a bit to get back to sleep, but it was a no-go.  By 5 AM the kids were up and doing homework.  After breakfast, David, Juliana, and I went wandering around the grounds and ended up back at the playground.  As the children played on the equipment, I noticed a monkey on the wall that bordered the playground.  It was a pretty good-sized monkey.  It was one of these, which I think is a macaque. Then I noticed another one.  Then a third.  Now, being a mother, my radar is always fine-tuned for danger.  I'd heard a lot of barking dogs (India has a zillion stray dogs) and had already determined that, if need be, we could escape wild packs of them by clambering to the top of the jungle gym.  Somehow I doubted this plan would work to save us from rabid, attacking macaques.  They're called MONKEY BARS for God's sake.  Not being familiar with monkey etiquette, I casually retrieved the children and eased us back towards the hotel without incident.

Mid-morning we went to Sikandra.  Despite the fact that Sarah had to translate the tour guide's Englishinto, well, English, it was an interesting visit.  The kids particularly liked the acoustically perfect archways.  Two people facing the wall in opposite corners can talk in a whisper and still hear each other.  If you saw pictures of Juliana standing like a dunce in a corner, that's what she was doing.  Hey!  I figured out how to add a picture!

 

I'm Ready for my Psychotic Break, Mr. DeMille

Everyone was up at 3:30 AM again today.  I will say the children played together very nicely for the FIVE FREAKING HOURS before school started.  I'm so tired I could keel over.  Plus, my stomach is acting up.  (Ok, washing down the pepto-bismol with hot coffee probably wasn't my best move, but how many sacrifices can one person make?)  Also, my skin is a wreck, I look like hell, and a fairly good handful of hair came out when I was shampooing this morning.  I thought maybe I'd brought home a parasite from India (silver lining: wasting away for 10 pounds or so) but at school pick-up this afternoon, I had it confirmed that some kind of stomach bug is going around.  Oh goody!  Something contagious!!  Maybe tomorrow's pre-dawn waking will be accompanied by a chorus of vomit. 

Juliana fell asleep at 4:30.  I'm letting her nap for an hour, then I'll wake her up and try to keep her conscious til a decent bedtime.  In our family, we call this tough love.  And it usually involves a lot of crying.  I bet Juliana will cry too. 

Ritu gets home tonight.  That is a very good thing.  I'm working hard to look past the fact that he'll be on an entirely different recovery schedule.  And that he'll be lugging with him a giant suitcase full of dirty laundry.

Ahhhhh, cyber bitching....it does a body good.

Re-Entry

This re-entry into our "real life" sucks.  The time change in India is 13 1/2 hours, so basically our days and nights are reversed..  We got home around 2:30 PM on Monday.  This was after leaving Agra at 11 AM on Sunday (11 PM Saturday night, Pacific Time) and driving 5 hours to New Delhi.  In Delhi, we visited two family member's houses, where, despite our protests,  they stuffed us full of food (I'll save a description of Indian Hospitality for a separate entry).  Just what you want before a long flight, right?  We went flying out of the second house late (again, thanks to Indian Hospitality) to the airport and arrived there around 8:30 PM.   Our flight was scheduled for 11:45 PM.  We finally got checked in and through security around 10 PM.  At this point, we had to say goodbye to Ritu who was flying to the Philippines.  Cue two tired, heartbroken crying children.  Thankfully, my in-laws, Sarah and Becky were all on the flight to Newark with us.  Juliana fell asleep on my lap long before we boarded and when they made the pre-boarding announcement, I picked her up and shoved my way through a large throng of passengers surrounding the gate.  It may have been my proudest moment of the whole trip..  The rest of our group trailed behind me with our carry-on luggage.

The flight was 16 hours long and we arrived in Newark at about 4:30 AM Eastern Time.  My in-laws helped me gather my luggage and get through customs.  I don't know how I could've done it without them.  After that, we went our separate ways and the kids and I settled in for a 5 hour layover.  Our flignt left on time at 10 AM and we arrived at 1 PM Pacific Time after a 6 hour flight.  Both kids fell asleep on that flight, so I had to wake them up when we landed.  Not good.  David sleeps like the dead and Juliana woke up with a clogged ear which lead to a long crying jag. 

When we got back to the house, my mom was blessedly here and she'd filled my fridge with groceries and home-cooked food.  At 4:00, Juliana started asking to go to bed, but I made them stay up as long as I could, which was 5:30.  I was dead asleep myself by 7 PM.  I woke up at 3:30 AM and saw that David was already awake.  He was hungry, so we went downstairs to eat.  Juliana woke around 4:15. <yawn>

David weighed himself that morning and I found that he'd lost 5 pounds on the trip.  That boy does not have 5 pounds to lose. While we were traveling, he was eating an OK breakfast at the hotel, then spent the rest of each day on the Survivor India diet: bowls of plain rice.  I had brought plenty of snacks with me, and those helped to sustain him.  I''m planning to start an I.V. of alfredo sauce to get him back to fighting weight.

David did go to school yesterday and lasted all day, even though when I checked on him at lunchtime, his eyes weren't quite focusing in the same direction.  I managed to keep everyone awake until 6:00 last night, despite Juliana asking to go to bed from 4:30 on.  I crashed at 7:30 but Juliana woke me up just before midnight.  She and I were awake for hours.  She finally went back to sleep at 2:30 and I laid there for awhile in a no-sleep panic.  I can deal with a lot of things, but sleep-deprivation is not one of them.  It's a main reason why I thank God each and every day that I am done with babies.  Not sleeping leaves me headachy, teary-eyed, and with that weird fizzy feeling at the top of my stomach.  Not to mention that filter of utter doom and despair through which I see my entire life.  Eventually I fell back asleep and woke up around 7 AM.  I feel about 60% human today, which I guess is a step in the right direction.

 

Home!

After 26 hours of traveling we are home.  We're blindingly, staggeringly tired but home safe and sound.  I see I have 700 emails!  I will do my best to get to those and to post some more about the days I missed on the trip.

The last batch of pictures are on Ritu's computer and he is currently in the Philippines, but he should be able to get them to snapfish from there.  Thanks for all the great feedback, you guys!

The Engagement Party

Last night was Deepu's engagement party.  It started at 8 PM, so we brought the kids back to the hotel at 5 and tried to nap them first.  When that didn't work, we ordered them Pepsi with their room service chicken nuggets.  We all got dressed in Indian clothes.  Juliana looked adorable in a pink and blue lengha (long skirt, short-sleeved top, and scarf). David agreed to wear a long fancy black shirt with silver decorations called a shirvani, I wore my lengha which varied in color from dark red, purple, and orange with tiny black beads everywhere and even Ritu wore a shirvani that was rust and gold colored.  Juliana and I both wore armfuls of bangles that were color-coordinated with our lenghas and I wore a beautiful, ornate gold necklace that the family in Kanpur had given me.  Needless to say there are 90 million pictures of us all dressed up and I fully expect a life size blow up of me in Indian clothes on my in-laws living room wall next time we visit.

The party was held at a hotel called the Agra Ashok hotel.  The groom's family gathered outside the hotel and entered in one large bunch.  We were all carrying boxes of Indian sweets other gift wrapped boxes of snacks and little things.  The bride's family made a sort of reception line to greet us as we came in.  There were 2 or 3 videographers and a cluster of photographers, so it was like being met by paparazzi.  The party was outside, by the pool. The trees had been decorated with multi-color lights and a long buffet table was set up along one edge.  There were tables and chairs clustered by the buffet and a dance floor and sound system set up in the center of things.  Before that, next to the pool, were rows of chairs set up facing a dais with two fancy fan backed chairs covered in red velvet.  A tall framework covered in garlands of flowers formed a backdrop for the chairs. The bride was not present at this point.  The groom's family arrived at the seats and there was much picture taking and milling about.  Servers with trays of juice, soft drinks, and water worked the crowd.  Then came hot appetizers.  There was also a guy walking around with glasses with an inch or so whiskey and little pitchers of soda water so you could mix your own.  It would have ben unseemly for me to take one, but I shared Ritu's.  Latera guy walked around offering bowls of soup.  That struck me as a strange finger food.  All the kids who were there ran around and played on the dance floor.  David was doing a terrific job keeping track of his little cousin Sia who is 18 months old. 

After a little while, Deepu and his grandfather (Deepu's father died when he was fairly young) went and sat on the dais and a brief prayer service began.  At the end of that, the bride's family gave Deepu gifts: money, jewelry, and boxes of sweets.  Deepu smiled gamely throughout.  At around 9:30, the bride arrived and walked in slowly accompanied by her sisters and female cousins.  She looked lovely in an outfit of tangerine and silver that was by far the most detailed and ornate fabric there.  She made her way slowly onto the platform and she and Deepu sat in the red chairs.  Deepu had met her twice before tonight.  Once when he was checking out potential brides and once after they had made the arrangement to marry.  He told us that he liked her because he felt she would fit in well with his mother and his grandfather, with whom he lives.  He said she seemed to have the proper respect for them and didn't show any strong opinions about anything. 

Once they were seated on the chairs, there was a brief ceremony where a candle was lit and they exchanged rings.  Truthfully, with the cluster of photographers and Juliana getting tired and needy, I didn't get to see that part.  After that, it was the groom's family's turn to come and pay respects.  People crammed up onto the dais, presented them with gfts or waved money in circles over their head, then handed it to Deepu.  There was a box of open sweets on the table in front of them and you could feed them each a little bite.  Or you could take a big one and shove it in Deepu's mouth.  I was pushed around on the platform and told to sit on the arm of the bride's chair for pictures.  I saw then that she (her name is Shika or perhaps Shikha) had the henna painted on her hands and forearms.  I also saw then that she looked so nervous and overwhelemd that she might pass out or throw up.  I saw Deepu trying to explain who everyone was, but that was the extent of their interaction at this point.  Shikha kept her gaze mostly averted and nodded in response to his introductions.  It was shortly after this that Juliana got too tired and cold and needed to go back to our hotel.  Dinner had not yet been served, but people were out on the dance floor and occasionally handfuls of rupee bills were being tossed into the air for the children to scramble around and pick up. I don't know how thing progressed from there or how long the party lasted, but the mood was certainly festive when we left. 

Back in Agra

We got back to Agra around 6 PM last night.  The drive from Jaipur takes about 5 hours and some of the roads are simply atrocious.  They make the Pennsylvania Turnpike seem smooth as silk.  We're back at the Mughal Sheraton which has quickly become our home away from home.  As this is the third time we've checked in here in about 10 days, we're starting to get special treatment.  Last night there was a bowl of fruit, a plate of cookies, and fresh flowers in our room. The kids are excited because they think we are VIPs now and the only time the hotel puts warm water in the swimming pool is when a VIP arrives.  

 Our plans have changed yet again and now we'll be staying here until Sunday morning, at which time we'll check out and head to Delhi.  Our flight doesn't leave until almost midnight, so it'll be a long day no matter how you slice it.

I realized I lied in my last entry.  We did do a tiny bit of sightseeing in Kanpur because we went to visit a temple while we were there.  It's called the J.K. Temple and it's that schmancy white building in the pictures.  It is, by far, the largest and most ornate temple we've seen thus far.  There seemed to be a lot of local school groups also visiting while we were there.   One group of school girls was staring at us (well, at the two whities....me and Becky) to beat the band.  Becky and I decided we wanted a picture with them.  We gestured to show them what we wanted and most of them shrieked and ran away.  A few brave souls stood their ground and we went and stood with them.  Suddenly a bunch of the kids filtered back in and posed for the picture with us.  If you've seen the pictures, there's one of Becky and me towering behind the giggling group. Afterwards, they  followed us through the entire temple, maintaining a respectful distance, but keeping their eyes on us at all times. 

I saw a quote in the newspaper here from somebody's travelogue that said something to the effect of: If staring was an Olympic sport, India would win a gold medal for sure".  This is sooooo true.   Becky and I are used to being stared at in India.  Everywhere we go, people stare openly and at great length.  It's not at all hostile, just simply out of curiosity. If you catch them staring, you know what they do?  Contnue to stare.  Juliana has also attracted some attention, especially when she's out and about in her regular clothes.  When we visited Sikandra (Did I write about that?  That's right before I got sick and got so far behind) and were taking pictures of the kids feeding monkeys, I noticed a Muslim family with the women in full burqas taking pictures of Juliana.