Saturday, February 4, 2006

Gooooo Steelers!

When the Steelers made the Superbowl, we came up with the bright idea of having a Superbowl party.  (When I say "we", I want it made perfectly clear that I was still in the throes of shingles and probably strung out on vicodin at the time.) In order to make it an actual party, I decided to invite people.  My inviting skills are REALLY good.  I did an email invite and God knows I love to email.  Turns out I invited NINE families.  And guess what?  They can all come!  So, now I'm expecting upwards of 40 people (half of them kids) tomorrow at 3:00.  I figure by Sunday night, it'll be easiest just to burn this house down and start fresh with a new one on Monday. 

 

Thursday, February 2, 2006

My Phone

I'm sitting here waiting for the printer to call and say the invitations for the PTA fundraiser are done so I can get envelopes stuffed. (I told you I had no life, Sarah.) They're supposed to go home TOMORROW and it's now 2 PM and no word from the printer.  I'm trying various means of staying calm, one being cleaning out the old messages on my cell phone.  Paying attention to my phone makes it more likely to ring, right?

Anyhow, I came across an old text message from my sister that reads: Oh my fucking jesus i live with the most insufferable troupe of baboons.

 

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

24

I am a latecomer to 24.  My friends Jen and Rad Chad got me hooked by sending me the Season One DVDs last year.  I was skeptical, but Ritu and I decided to watch.  Turns out one of my favorite dramatic TV moments EVER happens in the first season.   For five episodes, Teri Bauer and Alan York are searching for their missing daughters.  Then comes an absolutely chilling moment when you realize that the real Alan York is dead and stuffed in a trunk and the man who's been "helping" Teri all that time is in on the whole thing.  It was a great moment that left me reeling.  It also left me doubting the motives of every single character on the show since.  In fact,  it made me look suspiciously at my own family members for quite some time.     

Watching 24 requires a suspension of disbelief, but the action and adrenaline rush more than make up for it.  I totally understand why it's built such a following.  What I don't get is how Kiefer Sutherland is winning acting awards.  It's not exactly a nuanced performance.   Nearly everything he says can be distilled into one of the following sentiments:

  1.  We don't have TIME to __________.  

2.  It's a lot more complicated than that.   

3.  Tell me NOW or I'll __________.  

4.  You'll just have to trust me.  

5.  What is your primary objective?  

6.  BANG! BANG!  ::::sound of breaking bones and squirting blood:::::  BANG!  

But hot damn, I loves me some Jack Bauer.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

It's Been Six Years And I'm Still Bitter

Ritu just called from a fundraising event he's attending.  When I answered, he said, "Somebody here wants to talk to you" and put me on the phone with Joshua Malina!  He was the featured speaker at the event and we've been following his career since his days on Sports Night.   He was very sweet and chatted with me for a few minutes.  He said my husband was "a good man".   (Besides being a good man, he is also the King of Schmoozers, so I'm not the least bit surprised that he'd managed to connect with the guest of honor.  It amazes me how Ritu will talk to ANYbody.  I'm all about sitting on the sidelines  watching things happen--and usually making snide comments-- while he gets right into the middle of the action.)  When Ritu got back on the phone, he said that Joshua had been sitting behind him during the poker tournament, so he'd gotten to talk to him a lot and that he'd been very gracious throughout the evening. 

As the giddiness starts to fade, I'm left with this:  WHY THE HELL DID THEY CANCEL SPORTS NIGHT? 

Thursday, January 26, 2006

David

Juliana gets a lot of bandwith on this thing.  That's because she dresses cute and, well, pukes a lot.  So let me balance out with a few David vignettes.

In Tucson, Ritu said something about "the freaking van" and David complained to me that Daddy swears too much.  After explaining that "freaking" technically wasn't a bad word,  I did admit that we're a family who likes to swear. David looked at me hopefully and said, "So, does this mean I can say shit?" 

********

At dinner one night, he was working on a maze on the children's menu.  He's always liked mazes, and always been good at them.  He informed me that he'd finished the maze but when I looked, I saw that he'd followed the maze about halfway through, then stopped and used the crayon to draw a big dot.  Close to the exit of the maze, he'd again drawn a dot, then finished the maze from there.  He saw me looking, then gestured to the dots and explained "Those are portals."

********

Last month, his class had "Pioneer School" where they were encouraged to dress the part and bring "authentic" lunches.  While Juliana cherishes every chance for a costume change (Going to the grocery store?  Better put on a princess nightgown!), David never likes to be told what to wear.  Getting him to put on a shirt with a collar once a month  for synagogue is a huge hassle.  When he was 4, right after September 11th, there was red, white and blue day at his preschool.  He REFUSED to wear anything with red, white, and blue.  Little communist.  So, imagine my surprise when he decided to pull together an outfit for pioneer day.  We settled on jeans and a plaid button down shirt.  That morning, though, he decided the jeans were uncomfortable and pulled on a pair of nylon wind pants instead.  And he would only wear the button down shirt unbuttoned, over a polo shirt with the collar up.  1880s?  Not so much.  1980s?  Nailed it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Lord Voldemort is Angry

Remember when I said I wasn't going anywhere ever again?  Would it kill you people to hold me to my word?  Ritu goes to this same conference every year.  It alternates between the east and west coasts and is generally held at a fabulous resort.  When we were first married, it was our big vacation each year.  We were poor and the room was paid for by his work and we could go and hopefully some nice attending physicians would buy us dinner now and then.  Over time, we started taking the kids with us.  The last time we went, Juliana was 11 months old and the conference was in Florida.  We went from the conference to Disney World.  While in Orlando, Juliana came down with rotovirus and vomited and had diarrhea until it was necessary to take her to the emergency department for IV rehydration.  The Happiest Place on Earth, my ass.  Not surprisingly, that trip ranks as Worst Vacation Ever.  But there are lessons I should've learned from it.  Lessons I seem hell bent on ignoring. 

 We tried to go to this conference again 2 years ago.  Ritu was going to be gone nearly 10 days and we planned to fly down for a long weekend in Tucson with him.  The day he left, a huge winter storm hit Portland and snowed us in for 5 days.  We never made our flight and we literally didn't leave the house (except to slide down the sidewalk to a neighbor's house) from Monday after school until Friday at noon.  I was so out of parenting by the end of that week that I let my kids--ages 3 1/2 and 6 1/2 at that time--watch the DVD of Lord of the Rings.  (I remember some poor man brought his daughter around selling Girl Scout cookies and I blathered at him incessantly, desperate to talk to another grown up.) 

Fast forward 2 years.  The conference is again in Tucson and we again have our plan to spend that long weekend with Ritu.  I already chronicled Juliana's well-timed stomach flu.  What I didn't mention was how Sunday night, the night before Ritu left town, I started with this localized itching.  It went from the right side of my nose, across my cheek andupwards over the top of my head.  Bascially the entire upper right quadrant of my face and head.  It lasted for days, but there was no sign of a rash or other dermatitis.  Antihistamines didn't help, nor did any topical cream.  By Thursday, I was ready to claw off my own skin.  It was starting to burn a bit at that point.  I talked to my mom and Ritu and they both suggested that perhaps I had.....wait for it.....shingles. 

By Thursday night, Juliana had recovered from what seemed to have been a 24 hour stomach bug.  She went to school for a special art project with the morning class and, thanks to much sacrifice on my mother's part,  I was able to run to the doctor hours before our flight left.  She agreed with the diagnosis, although I didn't have any blisters yet, and prescribed me an antiviral and a painkiller. 

Having aborted the trip last time, I was determined to get there.  I'd had 5 days of single parenting, a sick child, and now shingles.  I needed some sun and some R&R.  Our flight was a bit delayed, but we got to Tucson uneventfully.  By the time we got to the hotel, Juliana was sobbing because she was so tired.  We all went to sleep and awoke after midnight to the sound of Juliana barfing.  She managed to stay asleep through that episode, but when she threw up again at 4 AM, we all were awakened.  She asked me why I hadn't packed the bucket, just in case.  I got smart and put the hotel ice bucket next to her, just in case. 

Next day, Ritu was tied up with the conference til 3:30.  Juliana wouldn't eat breakfast and was generally puny.  I was starting to feel painful raised bumps on my forehead.  After exploring a little, we mostly stayed in the hotel room.  Ritu came to check on us at lunchtime.  We were all in the bed reading or watching TV.  He came back 3 1/2 hours later and we were in the exact same spots.  Speaking of spots, mine were now extending down through my eyebrow to the bridge of my nose and into my hair in a line to the top of my head. 

Sunday morning it was David's turn to complain of a stomach ache.  Spent the morning in the hotel room again.  We planned to watch the Steeler game, but the hotel satellite lost the CBS signal.  Every other channel worked, but CBS.  Don't even TRY to tell me God wasn't punishing me for taking this trip.  Ritu was finally done with the conference and we decided to drive out to the Desert Museum.  We made arrangements for his brother (bless his soul!) to text us with scoring updates.  This was my first visit to Arizona and the landscape was fascinating.  As I looked around Tucson, various words pushed to the forefront of my consciousness.  Words like "jutting" and "nestled".  Words like "windswept" and "prickly".  Speaking of prickly, the shingles were really starting to hurt.  My face and head felt like somebody had slapped me about 200 times in a row.  The pain wasn't unbearable, but it was a constant and relentless feeling of burning and prickling with some sharp searing pains thrown in for fun.  It felt just like Harry Potter's scar. 

By Sunday night I'd had enough.  We paid the ticket change fee and came home on Monday, a day early.  Juliana dropped 4 pounds from being sick and when she got off the plane, Ritu overheard one of the stewardesses remark, "That little girl is so skinny!"  Thanks, lady.  We've got her in supermodel boot camp. 

Coming home was the best thing we could've done.  With a few days of small frequent meals, Juliana looks much better and happily went back to school yesterday.  I continue to feel Lord Voldemort's anger and my shingles have turned red and look like they may become pus-filled.  Now I just have to wait the 2-5 weeks for them to crust over and fall off. 

Note to self:  Just stay the fuck home.